Azealia Banks battles Lil Kim
Azealia Banks met Lil Kim at the top of Mount Everest, just like they’d planned. It had been a long, hard seven months of training—the workouts, the ten-mile runs every morning, the light arms training… But it had been worth it. She was ready.
As she dismounted her dragon, Lil Kim sneered. “Your tricks don’t amuse me, Banks,” she said, fighting to be heard over the wind. She was wearing a parka, because they were at the top of Mount Everest.
Azealia Banks smiled sweetly. She was wearing jean shorts and a Mickey Mouse sweater, because she was Azealia Banks.
Lil Kim was fuming. She couldn’t take it any more. She raised her hands and shot balls of fire at her enemy. Azealia Banks did a little dance and deflected them.
Lil Kim was so mad she could spit. “Do you have your sword?”
Azealia Banks drew her sword. Lil Kim pulled out a machine gun and shot it at Azealia Banks. She used her sword to deflect every single bullet. The sword was made of platinum.
She started walking towards Lil Kim, grinning as always. “No!” shrieked Lil Kim, desperately shooting lightning bolts and black holes at Azealia Banks’ face, only for them to have absolutely no effect on her.
When Azealia was close enough, she used her sword to decapitate Lil Kim. Blood spewed up from her neck, drenching her sweater, turning the entire garment the color of Mickey’s shorts. The rest of Lil Kim’s body turned to stone.
Gripping the head of her felled nemesis by the hair, she approached her dragon, petting the noble steed and allowing it to feast upon Lil Kim’s blood. As she flew Alcalyzor back to Harlem, she reflected upon her actions. Yes, she’d defeated a threat to humanity, but also her sweater was stained. She chuckled. She had so many just like it at home.
